[silence] ♪ I think this is the oldest one up here.
It was, I guess a week ago, like exactly a week ago.
Felt pretty good.
I'm worried about, like, scars stretching just because it's, like, the beginning of healing for these specific scars, just, like, based on the placement.
And so I was, like, worried about it, but it felt pretty good.
My name is Kaz Smith.
My pronouns are he/him, and initially came out as non-binary because I..
I didn't know exactly who I was because I had this idea of what I thought masculinity was in my brain and I thought I had to fit that.
When I figured out that I didn't have to subscribe to that, then it was like, I get to be who I want to be and I can still be myself no matter how I look or present myself to other people.
And it's like.. it's similar to someone leaning their head back.
And so from here, I guess because it's a difficult perspective to draw from.
[let me] show you something I started drawing after I started photography because the act of taking a photo felt almost too natural and not like it didn't have enough of like a creative process and takes a long time and gives me a lot of time to think.
I think this was the final project of the first drawing class that I ever took.
I was getting more into photography and really like taking pictures of eyes and she just happens to have really cool eyes because I'm not very great at doing abstraction.
And so I figured if I edited it to become a little bit more abstract already, then it will be easier to abstract it in the end.
Well, I presented it to my dad first because I, well, I. Yeah, I just did it for.. Yeah, for whatever reason.
The initial reaction was like very shocked.
Like all my friends knew that this is something I've been thinking about for a while.
My parents had no idea.
Even though I was out to them at the time, they were just like, you had to wait like years.
And I was like, Frankly, I don't know that I could do that.
Binding is a pretty big or like a pretty common thing for people who experience dysphoria surrounding like their chest.
I didn't know that.
That's what I was doing it and not in a way that's very safe.
Like there are binders that are, like, meant for binding.
But I would have been safer if I had known that that's what I was doing.
I was just like, This is the way I feel most comfortable.
My one of my lungs partially collapsed within a week of getting it and then like it has never returned to its full capacity.
I love them and also when I go out in public, like without a shirt, like to go swimming or like to go to the beach, there's an increased chance of violence against me or like people who I'm around.
And so that like that's like a source of anxiety for me, but like, I like them.
I'm like 99% introverted and 1% extroverted.
And so like I've the way of coped with that in my past, like before I was out and more comfortable with myself is to just mimic everyone around me instead of like spending my own energy to be myself.
Now that I'm comfortable with who I am, I seem a lot more shy now than I did before.
But it's because I'm comfortable being shy and, like, being vulnerable with the fact that I like that I have a small social battery.
Like, I'm someone who changes a lot.
I feel like gender to me is binary.
It doesn't really exist in my brain very intensely, I suppose.
Mostly just because I know it's this thing that I have been raised to believe exists.
And so maybe it's like the stubborn part of me being like, nope, like we're not like accepting that anymore.
Or like, but I know that like he/him pronouns, I would feel the most accurate for me.
She might.
Yeah.
So she is.
DIY music venues have been vital throughout the history of music.
DIY venues breed creative people who are looking for a place to share their art.
I sat down with Michael Gormley, the founder of Blast-N-Scraps, a donation-based, DIY, punk rock ethos, music venue.
Hi, my name is Michael Gormley.
Commonly known as blasty.
when I was like seven years old, I was the new kid.
Kind of just reverted to music as my companion.
I started my first band when I was 15 called The Eastern Lights of New Jersey.
When Michael lived in New York, he would wear capes around music shows and even got other people to wear them.
As one does when he moved to Fort Collins, Michael combined this idea with his passion of helping people and thus Cape Pals was born.
I decided I was going to start doing kind of children's entertainment, you know, try to do it for a good cause.
At that point, my mechanic's daughter was diagnosed with leukemia, so I figured I'd do a cape-making party.
Michael was looking for a place to hold Cape Pals events when he stumbled upon Who Gives a Scrap.
This is kind of where we started making capes for kids repurpose materials, raised money.
He then realized the space could also serve as a music venue.
I pitched them like, this is a DIY punk rock ethos all ages, music venue and suggested donation.
And I bet you I can get the bands to come here at five and we'll move the art racks from the back of the place into the front of the place.
Before we knew it, I was doing 2 to 3 shows a week and we pulled off like 74 shows in one year.
Yeah, that was the start of Blast-N-Scrap.
We tried to blend mutual aid with music whenever possible, which is pretty much always possible.
I decided to go check out one of his shows for myself.
Oh the shows definitely are going to be fantastic.
We're doing a fundraiser with all proceeds to the house, and if you don't support Vindeket Foods outside of these shows I implore you please do it.
It was a pretty easy, no brainer as far as setting up the arts and crafts tables.
You know, it's just another aspect to it.
You had a live painter to the show I want to get sideshow involved circus performers, aerialists, hula hoopers.
Any art form is valid and I truly believe that by even just having the arts and crafts tables there you nixed the separation between the stage and the audience.
If everybody has an opportunity to be creative who's there Then you kind of become unified in your love of art.
It's kinda like osmosis, right?
Like you're around, creative people.
It kind of sparks your creative juices as well.
I mean, love, right.
That that was I needed music when I had nothing.
I was a lonely kid.
That was.. that was my best friend.
I know there's other people out there like that.
Tell me.
About playing in front of the crowd For me personally, it's home.
That's where I'm more comfortable.
It's that social interactions and get-togethers that I feel weird and awkward, but up there I feel nice and normal.
I just want to do one thing good.
And I do the nicest thing I've ever done for a stranger in my life.
And that day I pretty much got the keys to a building to put on non-profit-sponsored, all-ages, donation-based, shows.
And I wasn't going to let that go for the first couple of years, I didn't take any money.
I still don't any money that Blast-N-Scrap makes got sent to an elevations credit union account, saving for a new space.
The best thing that can come out of this is just more music.
You know, music is only subjugated to bars, We're going to be stuck with dad rock and that's going to be boring.
You know, working with the youth is definitely the most important part because how else are we going to progress musically?
So, you know, punk rock ethos is just roll up your sleeves, put the elbow grease into it and get the job done.
And it can be a little rough around the edges.
That doesn't really make a difference.
You don't have to be this, like, virtuoso to play.
You just have to have the heart.
Giving Fort Collins exactly what it needs, Michael Gormley has created an undeniably special place for music.
It was a really cool music experience, and I can't wait to see what the future of Blast-N-Scraps holds.
If there's not a scene in your local community, it can be built.
You know, there's all sorts of things that you can do.
It shouldn't just be at the Live Nation clubs, you know?
It shouldn't just be in the stadiums.
It needs to start someplace.
And we were successful.
$409 accomplished for Vindeket Foods.
And it does start with you.
Name's Abe Dashnaw, pronouns are they/them.
I play in two bands.
People in General is my main project that I write for.
And then I also play guitar in a band called Plasma Canvas.
Uh, like pretty much as long as I can remember.
Like I would write songs in my head and then sing it to my mom to have her write them down.
Language is not like difficult, but it just feels super limiting for me.
The way the music conveys emotion, I feel like is a lot better to express myself.
Like if you can just make a sound that makes someone feel that way.
It's like so much more direct.
And then that provides the emotional vocabulary to turn that feeling into a more real concept.
I know I'm getting like super heavy with it, but.
I think it was "I want to be a musician' so I can be happy.
And then I forgot that the end goal was like happiness, or at least like contentment with myself.
You know, I used to think about my music career as this, like, very motivated drive that I have to do it.
And, like, I pushed myself to where it was like damaging to my mental state and my body.
That's, that's one way to become accomplished.
But if you're, like, suffering through it, you know, you're not really listening to yourself and you're shutting that part off to accomplish the task.
That just seems like a wack way to live.
So now the pace of how I improve at my music career and skateboarding and like everything else, is I'm just trying to feel it by passion, by like doing what's fun.
I'm a big fan of attention and I think that stems from a lack of internal confidence.
And so if I could receive external validation from others, that would shut off my negative internal talk, right?
Like I can't be a loser if x many people go to my shows, you know, but that's that's just a flawed mental state.
So I guess like you can say, "I made it" as a musician and then the hole wasn't filled and I was like, Oh, that's probably from something else, you know, prestige or like acclaim doesn't really fix the way you communicate with yourself.
You know, like once I'm touring 200 days out of the year and all my bands are signed to major labels, then like that's the thing, you know, like that's not how it works.
We have so much more complexity that like should be explored and loved and like appreciated.
And you can't really do that unless you like, separate yourself from the mindset of, Oh, once I accomplish X, then I'm going to make it, right?
The, the real growth was not through like I used to like music, but now I like skateboarding.
You know, the growth was realizing that can like do a bunch of different things without the need to like tie it to my self worth.
And the cool thing was I'm a lot kinder to myself.
Where I grew up, We had this creek running through my neighborhood and it was like the place where we would all go play.
that's how I learned how to be creative.
I would pretend to be a fairy, or I pretend to be someone who is just surviving in the woods.
But I could always go back home.
My name is Claire McWilliams.
I am a member of the Navajo Nation or the Diné and I create beadwork in the form of earrings.
These are very these are kind of like my How would you say that?
My ode to traditional Navajo jewelry, because a lot of Navajo jewelry obviously uses the turquoise and then the coral.
These are very.. they're very.. hallmark pieces of Navajo jewelry.
S o I grew up in a very close community, but I also was one of the few people that I knew that wasn't white.
And I think it's something that I kind of struggled with as a kid and I was like, Well, why don't I have blond hair and blue eyes and why wouldn't I look like this?
So there was a bit of like an identity crisis, I guess you could say, in my childhood.
But for the most part of it, it was very idyllic.
I think like most people kind of when the pandemic started, we were all just stuck.
We had nothing to do, no where to be.
And I was like, you know, I want to find something to do.
This is kind of what I walked into.
These are more like square shaped, whereas these are very round.. She'll get out, she'll get back from class and be like, I have to go bead and she'll be there for hours humming songs and just like just being in this zone.
And it's so fun to watch her do that.
Honestly, for the most part, I just kind of picked up some beads and just started doing stuff.
Having a creative outlet is important in a lot of ways, but throughout my family's history, I guess you could say my my Navajo grandmother, she used to make jewelry as well.
So it's been really great to share things with her because she's so proud of me.
So this is my jewelry box maker I gave to me.
This is a Navajo sand painting.
there's a lot of things in here so much I just watch this broken.
She made the little bracelet thing for it.
This is something my grandma made for me.
Has a bear at the bottom, of course, for Claire Bear, even though we haven't created together necessarily, I think it's been really special to share that with her and share the beauty of art with her as well, because she, in her own right, is like an artist.
So their relationship is very strong on a family level and yet also at a skill set level.
now, she, like, gives me tools, she gives me beads, she gives me turquoise.
It's been really special to share the beauty of art with her as well.
I would say one of the other really important things with her and her keena is how she's trying, her sisters also, trying to keep the culture alive.
Can you, do you want to introduce yourself in Navajo?
Was he Red House or Many Goats?
I thought he was Many Goats.
it's difficult to feel connected to your culture.
And so much of that is, again, this history of colonization and genocide and violence against indigenous peoples.
But I think that by so many Indigenous youth claiming their identity and saying, you know, I may not know much, but I'm trying and I want to know and I'm going to build my practices and my spirituality and my traditions around kind of like this new generation of natives.
I agree.
Even though the government and other people tried to take these practices from us and tried to transform our lives into something that was not us, I'm going to reclaim these and I'm going to step into my own power and I'm going to live my life to my to the degree of authenticity that I can create.
